“愚人节”其实是聪明人的节日，因为在4月1日这一天“整人的”与“被整的”都在进行着心智、体力、情感与勇气的对决和较量。在这样特殊的节日里，新浪外语  与你一起分享“愚人高招”，精选12则最恶搞的

.Sws881 { display:none; } Englishman
Once， late at night， an Englishman came out of his room into the corridor of a hotel and asked the servant to bring him a glass of water. The servant did as he was asked. The Englishman re-entered his room， but a few minutes later he came into the corridor aga

.Scp346 { display:none; } A Useful Way
Father: Jack， why do you drink so much water?
Jack: I have just had an apple， Dad.
Father: What’s that got to do with it?
Jack: I forgot to wash the apple.
中文：
爸爸：杰克，你干嘛喝这么多水呀？
杰克：我刚才吃了个苹果，爸爸。
爸爸：可是这跟喝水有什么关系呢？
杰克：我忘了洗苹果呀。

一个失眠男孩的愚人节
April Fools 愚人节
　　A YOUNG blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will come true!". Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep. The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wi

老师：“我以前念书的时候，功课都很好，可不像你这样顽皮。”
学生：“那说明你的老师比我的老师好。”

现在到处流行十大，我们也勉强凑个十大……
0.外语系女生很少上BBS，难于联系。

那夜与好友在杯杯乐喝茶。在靠近冷气机的角落里，阵阵白雾扑面而来，彼此冻得笑了。
寂静的角落。无言的沉默。心与心的交流。两个相对无言寂寞

　　最近，对薪酬和工作的讨论很热烈，以下是中大外语系某级同宿舍的五个女生的真实经历。看完后你会有何感想？

　　最近，对薪酬和工作的讨论很热烈，以下是中大外语系某级同宿舍的五个女生的真实经历。看完后你会有何感想？

　　偶是一个边准备毕业论文边忙着实习的英语专业MM，还在奋斗当中的姐妹兄弟们，继续加油啊，是花总要开放的！

　　一般人觉得大学女生要保持处女之身已经很难了，而普遍人都会认为英语系的女生要比别的专业的女生更开放一些，所以对于英语专业的女生毕业后还是处女，大多人是不相信的。您又怎么看呢？

□ 文/×××

    He is really somebody
　　-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
　　-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
　　-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
　　　他真是一个大人物
　　-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
　　-- 他真是

　Bring me the winner
　　-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
　　-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
　　-- Well, bring me the winner then.
　　给我那个打赢的吧
　　-- 服务员，

　The mean man's party.
　　The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open,

　Advice for "Kid"
　　A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded,

　Which woman?
　　One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
　　On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called

　The doctor lives downstairs
　　"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
　　He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just t

　One Engine Left
　　A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left

　Logic Reasoning
　　A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.
　　"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance,

　But the teacher cried
　　　The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum.

　A Smart Housewife.
　　A smart housewife was told that there was a kind of stove which would only consume half of the coal she was burning. She was very excited, and said: "That'll be terrific! Since one stove can save

　　Only cash and credit cards
　　　 When a man called a motel and asked how much they charged for
　　a room, the clerk told him that the rates depend on room size and  number of people.
　

　Does the dog know the proverb,　too?
　　　 The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
　　　 "It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"

Where is the father?
　　　 Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
　　　 "Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these painti

Do you think it's the light that's attracting them?
　　Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in a rural area in the west of England. No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Mikes' wife is begins to delive

The poor husband
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for h

最近，本人正在从事一项深刻有内涵的关于文化方面的研究，课题是关于中英传
统人名的对照，结果发现，其间竟有如此大的共同之处！！
　　　　　 翠花~~~ROSE MARRY
　　　　　 富贵~~~

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around,
looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack,
a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark
saying "Jesus is watching you."

The European Commission has just announced an aggreement whereby
English will be the official language of the EU rather than German,
which was the other possibility. As part of her negotiations, Her
Majestys Government conceded that Eng

Signs seen around the World
Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE
GUARD ON DUTY

1.It ain't easy being a dick　
2.I've got a head I can't thin

Scene: The Wild Web Celebration as Google Buys Deja
www.google.com:　And now, Deja, you are absorbed.
www.deja.com:　Good, I love being called google.　Can I be googleplex?
www.google.com:　No, that is being saved for when we go

得知国际汉学研讨会邀请自己到美国赴会作专题演讲，孔子很高兴。为了能和国际接轨，老先生决定印盒
名片。
文具店老板说：“您老的名片要有英汉双语，那您的英文名字取什么好呢？“

A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her
printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under
Windows." The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the
door. But that's a good point. The man sitting in the
c

You are one of two people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one
parachute.
*Pessimist:* yo

人之初：At the begining of life.
性本善：Sex is good.
性相近：Basically,all the sex are same.
习相远：But it depends on how the way you do it.
苟不教：If you do not practise all the time.
性乃迁：Sex will leave you..
教之道：The way of learning it

Bush got something wrong with his brain.
After medical examination, doctor tells him:
Your brain has two parts: one is left, and another is right.
Your left brain has nothing right,
Your right brain has nothing left.

A Guide to U.S. Newspapers
1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people
who run the country.
2. The New York Times is read by people who think
they run the country.
3. The Washington Post is read by people who thin

《红楼梦》是中国的旷世巨著，大陆、香港、台湾都曾改编拍成电影，家喻户晓。五六十年代多位中外学者就曾经把《红楼梦》英译，介绍到西方国家去，但由于种种问题，都只是节译而已。直至70年代有一位牛津大学的讲座教授霍克思(David Hawks)，竟然不惜辞去职务，专心埋首于全部《红楼梦》的英译。他的译笔功力深邃，英文写得非常流畅。请先欣赏霍克斯在《红楼梦》英译本自序中的最后一段感人的话：
    "My one abiding princip

A married couple, both avid golfers, were discussing the future one night. "Honey," the wife said, "

Most of us are familiar with teas. We know green tea, red tea, Oolong tea, and so on. Howev

That night after I turned off the light I was going to sleep. But suddenly I found that it was remarkably bright outside. More street lamp there? That is not a good expl

Calligraphy is one of traditional Chinese arts, a mixture of skill, personal characteristic and aesthetics. When I was in the elemental school, when tests did not matter

“If you are talking about substance, dose that matter? Energies, messages, or passag

“Op, where have we been?”

“Life is a lie.... without an f....”

即使再过一千年、一万年，这样“情真意切、感人肺腑、催人泪下”的话语也不会落伍于时代，因为它是人类崇高爱情的一种升华，是真爱的最高境界。
Jack: "You must do me this

It's neither fame, nor fortune
That I'm supposed to woo
If I do
Even my best friends will boo
And I will be no more than an empty shell
Who never prepare to share
And will never be a part of a pair
And finally find out mysel

Jack is knocking at the door
With a pair of ivories on his back
He just slayed the last elephant in the world
Finally, the word of 'wild-animal' turns classic
I go to open the door
And see a large scale of barren land
Where

Please don't easily say goodbye
Cuz that makes your friends cry and sigh
Negative things also have a positive side
Bad days passed by
To everybody you meet smile a Hey
Cuz that makes both of you gay
Think about the c

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman 吻她吧，不够君子
　　If you don't, you are not a man 不吻吧，不象汉子
　　If y

我平时很喜欢看的杂志,不仅有vogue,还有teen vogue,说起来还的确有点那个，毕竟已经超过20了，还在看teen vogue，不过有一次给我发现一个22的朋友还在看seveteen的时候，我就我也完全不用觉得不好意思去买teen vogue了，何况亚洲人看起来本来就小。
   
    vogue非常的成熟，非常的女性化，而teen vogue就全是年轻人了，非常活泼和轻松。Marc Jac

英文版三国人名翻译（爆笑）
曹操 The Majestic Premier 威严的首相
意译： 擎天柱(英文原名:Optimus Prime)
（当之无愧！！）
司马懿 Brain of The Darkness 暗黑之脑
意译： 通天晓
（毫无疑问，邪恶的人都很聪明）
夏侯惇 Mighty Commander 强大司令官
意译： 猛大帅
（不

英文幽默：Yes, There is

恋爱中的英语

口香糖怎么才能取出来

一只孤独青蛙的美好未来

英文幽默：关于男人

幽默小品：超速的理由

幽默：我只要一个便士

美国政治讽刺幽默：谁都别想跑掉

英文幽默：我就是爱听这话

英文幽默：Wait a Minute

校园英语幽默精选四则

  英文幽默：谁在拽猫尾巴

聚焦：最IN英文串串烧

双语：校园幽默四则

英文幽默:谁的父亲更强壮

英文幽默:你知道我是干嘛的吗

[英语幽默]-I want it to be a surprise

[英语幽默]-Be responsible

英文幽默：Too much noise in class

英文幽默：First time in America

英文幽默:你要的是台电视机

英文幽默：A Gentleman 绅士

诙谐小文:Boss and I

英文幽默:朱莉叶的睡前祷告词

A swear 一个誓言

趣味英语:好消息和坏消息

婚姻生活乐趣多多——关于夫妻的英语笑话

一个英语单词的读法决定了日后的前程:
小时侯把English读为应给利息的同学当了行长；
读为阴沟里洗的成了小菜贩子；
读为因果联系的成了哲学家；
读为硬改历史的成了领导；
而不小心读成了应该累死结果成了做IT的了

　摘要：
　　当你看到新西兰283万名选民中的一位——托比时，你可能会认为新西兰的选举将无可避免地转变为一场狗狗大战。因为，“选民”托比竟然是一只小狗。
　　It was almost inevitable New Zealand's election would turn into a dog fight when you look at one of the country's 2.83 million voters — Toby the Jack Russ

Dogs go woof over Brazilian puppy love motel
　　A love motel, complete with a heart-shaped mirror on th

　　When animal-shelter employee Rosemary Ficken opened the door to the St. Louis pound's gas chamber one August day in 2003, she couldn't believe her eyes: A reddish brown mutt, standing on top of six dead dogs, was still alive.
　　In t

　New findings suggest that fish might be too smart to be eaten.
　　新的发现表明，鱼太聪明了，不要拿来吃
　　Dr. Sylvia Earle wants you to stop eating fish. It's not because fish are endangered1, though wild fish stocks2 in many oceans are very low. It's

　Teacher： What is the plural of man, Tom?
　　老师：汤姆，“男人”这个词的复数形式是什么？
　　Tom： Men.
　　汤姆：“男人们”。
　　Teacher： Good. And the plural of child?
　　老师：答得好。那“孩子”的复数形式呢？
　　Tom： Twins.
　　汤姆：双胞胎。

A bird species found in some parts of Western Alaska is believed to emit a natural mosquito repellent with properties similar to DEET, the key ingredient in many commercial repellents.
　　Hector Douglas, a University of Alaska Fairbanks resea

The image of Italian men as muscled, smooth-talking Lotharios who prey on female tourists has been shattered.
　　According to a new report, the average Italian man suffers from deep insecurity and is too shy to chat anyone up. 'This summer on

　　A giant dominatrix teddy bear wearing a leat her maskandbrandishing hand-cuffs has been banned from sober Zurichsstreetdisplay of man-size model bears,the projects artisticdirectorsaid Tuesday.
　　While tourists pose for snaps next t

　1.Made-for-television radar guns instantly flash the speed of serves volley sand pitches to the sporting public around the world these days but few viewer scould name the world's fastest racket sport. The title belongs to badminton.
　　为电视转播

Before leaving on vacation, a German couple set up a loudspeaker and timer rigged to blast their neighbors with the sound of a crowing cock every morning. After receiving complaints, police in the northern town of Itzehoe obtained a warrant to e

Naomi's Brazilian Present
　　BRITISH supermodel Naomi Campbell has sent pal Oprah Winfrey an odd gift - a voucher for a Brazilian wax.
　　After Oprah agreed to give Naomi's favourite New York salon J Sisters some publi

I Wasn't Asleep
　　　When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep,  and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "

　　One day, a teacher took his pupils to a chicken farm to pay a visit. When they came near the incubator, chick just got out of its egg shell.
　　一天，老师带学生到养鸡场参观，当他们走近孵化器时，刚好一只小鸡破壳而出。
　　"It's wonderful to see a little thing come

　美国人的名字很简单，虽号称3500多个,但实际常用的,女性不过500个，男性约800个。美国父母为孩子取名,一般照着《圣经》选一个满意的就行了。
　　相形之下,倒是美国人的“姓”极其复杂。世界各色人种带来各自的姓氏,稀奇古怪、五花八门，美国姓氏之杂，居全球之冠。五大洲各色移民且不论，仅来自英伦三岛的盎格鲁——撒克逊血统移民姓氏之怪，就让人大开眼界。例如，有人姓苹果（Apple）、桔子（Orange），有人姓大米（Rice）、小麦（Wheat）、玉蜀黍（Corn）等，还有人姓熏

　　Husband Commits Suicide. Then Wife Wakes from Coma
　　An Italian pensioner committed suicide after his wife fell into a coma, but just hours after he killed himself the woman woke up, Italian media reported on Saturday.
　　Rec

Do you think it's the light that's attracting them?
　　Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in a rural area in the west of England. No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Mikes' wife is begins to delive